An Editors Choice
by A Smiling Skeleton
Summary: A New Writer, this is my first story, so review and help me out. A death, A birth, and An odd coincidence. That's all it takes for a whole world to be changed by one unplanned arrival Naruto SI Fic Rewriting and continuing. Sorry for the unexplained Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

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 **Outside Konohagakure, Death Site of the Yondaime Hokage and his wife**

 _A death_ ,

A blonde man's eyes close for the last time, going with the Shinigami to his final resting place after setting a responsibility on the shoulders of his young son that would change the world.

 _A birth,_

A high-pitched squall ripped from a child's throat as he screamed, the whisker marks on his chubby cheeks a confirmation of the terrible burden placed upon him. An elderly man, hair white with age, picked him up and carried him away from the crater that was his cradle, tears dripping down his own face at the death of the man and woman he considered like his own children.

 **In Another Reality** ,

 _An odd coincidence_.

A young man's walk home is ended abruptly by a distracted teenager, his last thoughts those of regret and burning anger at the world and himself.

A death, a birth, and an odd coincidence. The three culminate into a choice made by the One Who Writes the World, be it Kami or God, Allah or Yaweh, it matters not, and the ending is the same.

A new story is started in the land of the Elemental Nations, one without a clear ending or journey ahead of it. Its place is unclear, and just how it will change the flow of the other stories around it?

. . .

Well,

Isn't the whole point of a story to find out?

 **In A Soup of White Light and Weightlessness**

' _Huh, you'd think death would be morrrree. . . I dunno, concrete._ '

I deadpan, floating in this space.

"Goddamnit! Dumbass Rachel. I fuckin' told her that she'd run some poor schmuck's ass over one day. Didn't think it'd be my poor, schmuck ass...

Ahhhh, fuck it. I wonder if hell has job vacancies, I'm sure as hell...wow, that`s a little odd, now that it might actually be a place for me to go... not getting into heaven, that's one test I can't bullshit."

I try to wade forward or backward, but it's useless. No resistance met my hands, I didn't feel any change in positioning. My center of gravity was giving me fuck all to work with.

"Fuck it,Might as well be comfortable while I wait."

I relaxed my muscles and took what I assumed was a relaxing, reclining position, looking up? God it's weird being without any tangible position. I looked in a direction into the white

"I wonder if an angel guides your ass to hell of if a demon just pops up and is like, "Whelp, ready to get ass raped for eternity?" I really need to figure out how shit works, maybe its reincarnation.

...

Oh, shit. I sure as hell don't want to be reincarnated into anything tasty, I DO NOT want to be raised for food."

I jump as footsteps start to echo around me and I see a black dot appear, growing larger as the sounds of echoing steps slowly grew around me, the sound getting louder as the dot grew into a human form.

 _'Why the hell is that person walking upside down? Wait, HOW the hell is that person walking upside down_?'

It grows bigger till I can recognize that it's a person in black suit.

Thin, nicely tailored and good quality fabric and nice, leather shoes. Were those Oxfords?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it has a black halo atop its head.

 _'Shit. Fuck. Damn.'_

"Sooooooooo, I'm assuming you're either The Devil, or A devil; here to pull my ass to hell. It's too bad, I was hoping for reincarnation, or maybe the Greek anthology to be real. Y'know, I always liked how dogs live, it'd be cool to just get to sleep and eat all day. Yeah, or maybe a snake, just lounging around and being silently enigmatic. What about you? Demon? Giant scaly dragon? Eldritch Abomination? Please don't eat me."

I ramble, the nervousness I was infamous for ignoring starting to push at my mind now that it was crunch time.

He...she... They stops in front of me, eyes level with mine even as he stood on nothing above me.

 **"No, but I always like honey badgers...would you like some help down from the ceiling, if that's alright with you?"**

As I suddenly felt the pull of gravity and fell to the 'floor', groaning at the impending impact

"Oh, fuck m- SHIT!"

I yelp, slamming into the sudden checkered tile floor that appeared. Getting up and brushing myself off, before realizing; I didn't have a self.

' _How the hell did I not realizing this sooner.'_

I couldn't see my hands or feel my body, even though I could 'touch', I couldn't feel or see my own arms.

"Okay, what the FUCK?"

I yell, windmilling my arms against each other without feeling the other hit.

"What the HELL?!"

I was actually starting to panic now, as the He...She...They touched my shoulder and locked He...She...Their eyes with mine.

 **"Calm Down. Follow me, and you'll regain yourself momentarily, okay?"**

 _'Well, He's- I mean She's, I mean…fuck it, this is getting ridiculous. The Presence is the only thing that's literally not me right now, so, might as well.'_

"Okay."

And Presence walked forward as I followed, a single pair of footsteps echoing around us. We walked for what seemed like hours, but it could've been seconds with how much of a difference it made until another black dot appeared on the horizon. A big, old-fashioned black door, looking all the time like it belonged in an old Eastern European castle, or some ancient manor hidden in a german forest. Heavy and expensive, seemingly carved out of one piece of ebony wood, It stood, the contrast to the rest of the environment making it monolithic.

 **"Please,"** Presence opened the door and gestured me in, **"Be our guest."**

"Thank you."

I looked at the Presence and the door, and I took a step forward.

If I hadn't done that, and just turned around, or waited a while longer or just ran away, I might never have seen or experienced so much. Of friendship and pain, of joy and grief, but now I'm getting ahead of myself.

Safe to say, I walked through the door and into what looked like the nice parlor of a fancy bar. Dark, but tastefully light and a bartender with white hair and light, watery blue eyes came up to meet us.

"Welcome to Quindecim." He bows gracefully before guiding us to the bar.

' _Why does that sound so damn familiar?'_

"This is a nice place, kinda empty, but nice." I say, as I sidled up to the bar, looking over at Presence as it took the seat next to me; I hunched forward and catching the bartender's eye, motioned him over,

"Vodka?"

"Any particular brand?"

"The best ya got, ice cold. I need alcohol today." I say leaning back, sitting in silence as he went about setting the bottle in front of me with two shot glasses.

"So,"

I began, pouring myself a glass and filling the other, draining it, and pouring another, grimacing in the burn as the liquid slid down my throat.

' _Damn, This IS the good shit.'_

"What's all this about? Because I'm too willful to be heaven bound, and not 'good' enough to really warrant going to hell, and if this is purgatory then it's a lot more fun than I thought."

Presence takes its time, having waited as I looked around the bar before joining me and answering, draining its cup and having me refill it twice, before breaking out in a small smile.

 **"What if the whole world was just a collection of individual stories, all weaving in and out of one another until they formed one big story of life? Some adventures, some tragedies, some dramas or thrillers, or anthologies of everyday life. All interwoven into one big plot."**

I considered it for a second.

"Well, who are the stories for? And who writes all these stories?" I ask, knocking back another saucer of the sake.

 **"Funny, I've never considered that before… I don't know, I think I've forgotten. And the answer to the second bit is apparent. I am the writer of my own story, just as everyone is the writer of their own, but I guess my story is a bit different. You could consider me the Editor if you like, the one who guides the other writers, making changes here and there. We, yes, we, there are others, are every Deus Ex Machina, every Absolute bullshit stroke of luck, every R.O.B in every story line. We guide the pieces where we think they'd best serve their purpose."**

"Well, Editor, that's cool and all, and I probably should be thinking on how this revelation changes my entire worldview now, but I'm still wondering what this has got to do with me. I wasn't a particularly talented writer in my life and in fact, I think I was rather shitty, so it can't be you're offering me a job or anything up here. What do you want?"

Editor finished slurping down his fifth glass and set it down. By now it was slightly pink in the cheeks.

 **"I want you to have another go in a different genre, so to speak. Your story was good, but you didn't quite fit into the genre you were in. You always wanted to do things a little outside the boundaries, and your story suffered because of that."**

"So, basically I'm getting reincarnated?"

 **"Pretty much!** " It chirped, hiccupping slightly.

"You know, aside from being an entity capable of changing the lives of everything in this Existence, you're a pretty lightweight drinker."

 **"I don't drink much."**

"I can see that." I replied flatly.

The bartender moved the shot glass away from Editor, and emptied it, keeping the bottle and cup in hand, looking with a tinge of worry on his stoic face as he absently refilled my drink. Editor snatched my empty cup and somehow, pulled the bottle from a hidden drawer. The bartender looked in his hand where a blinking outline of the bottle floated before disappearing. Presence pouring himself another two sloppy shots before giving the cup and bottle back to the bartender.

"So, where am I getting reincarnated?"

I asked, ignoring the blatant physics breaking happening in front of me.

 **"… Hum? ...What? Oh!...yeah, hold on."**

Editor slurred, getting up, only to stumble as he walked two steps away from the bar and then tripped, falling on his ass, smiling and laughing.

 _'Jesus, he's more lightweight than my mother.'_

I thought, shaking my head and remembering the thanksgiving in which the nine of my family members their each drained a bottle and how my mom was so red-faced it looked like she had a fever. I helped him up and over to one of the comfortable looking couches around the peripherals of the bar, a chandelier like a jellyfish hanging above us.

 **"I was thinking since you enjoyed the Naruto Universe so much, why not land your ass there, and it'd be fun to see you basically time travel the shit out of that story line. Kind of like a story I like, we share an admiration for it actually. Yet Again With a Little Extra Help by The Third Fang. Right? Yeah, I'm so glad they aren't aware of my existence right now…Ghost is scary… anyway, anything you'd like to keep on your travels over, for sentimental value?"**

"Well, ummm, I guess my glasses and the black wristband I have, and the straight razor my mom got me?"

 **"Done!"**

With a sloppily, sorta snap, the items appeared before me.

The glasses stayed the same, though my bracelet turned into a bracelet of polished black stones with sutra inscribed on them.

 _"We are not going to change the whole world, but we can change ourselves and feel free as birds. We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil. Serenity is contagious. If we smile at someone, he or she will smile back. And a smile costs nothing. We should plague everyone with joy. If we are to die in a minute, why not die happily, laughing?"_

It was a rubber before, with a phrase from one of Buddha's sutras on it, so I guess this was its Naruto equivalent. And the old black handled straight razor with my initials engraved on the blade showed up. I stood as Editor stood up, still pink cheeked but now serious.

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

A sudden burst of light and the sound of fluttering pages surrounded me, my name floating up in front of me. The English word replaced by Kanji and I suddenly understood what they said:

"Taoreta Yari, huh?"

 _'Fallen Spear?_ '

I felt a rushing wind and a sudden pull of gravity on my stomach, like I was falling and then it was white.


	2. Chapter 2

There's a certain torture famous in china, the Death of a Thousand Cuts, in which the victim is slowly cut to pieces while alive. At the current moment, with what felt like billions of papers rushing past me at speeds most would consider insane, I truly believed that this was the papercut version of it. I felt my body painfully disintegrate into what looked like paper and ink, floating around, as the bright white light turned blinding, and the rustling of papers deafening, my internal voice howling in pain until eventually even my consciousness was cut into a billion pieces.

 **A Black Room at the bottom of the ocean...**

"Fuck, FUCK That HURT! FuCK!" I say, trying to curl up, but my sore body was crushed flat to the ground by an unseen force.

"YO, Editor! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

 **"…sorry, I forgot that part…"** It's voice echoes softly and with a tinge of discomfort unique to those with a hangover.

 _'Hope that sonofabitch got the worst headache this side of existence.'_ I think spitefully,

"Where the hell am I?" I ask, pain now dulled to an annoying ache,

 **"You're in the In-between, I've still got to modify your body and spirit to match up to the Naruto's Universe. You know, chakra and shit."**

It says, a weird shifting feeling moving my non-existent guts around, silence followed by a tentative statement.

 **"Thank you for not yelling that time."**

"Why? IS IT PAINFUL?" I yell out.

 **". . . I currently have my hand on the core leading to the nervous system of your lower body, do you really wanna tempt me right now?"**

I feel a numbing sensation climb my legs.

"No, NO! I'm good, so sorry Editor-sama." I say nervously, a sweat drop forming on the side of my head.

 **"That's what I thought. You'll wake up with a complete physical understanding of yourself, so no having to relearn how to walk or speak, you're good with the common tongue of that Universe, so Japanese is now your default,"**

I feel a tweak or two, a pinch in my head, a fuzziness in my chest,

 **"That's your chakra, by the way."**

Editor explains.

 **"I'm using one of your old, not broken OC's, just to let you know."**

"That's cool, which one?" I ask,

 **"You'll see, now, I've pre-loaded the memories and info you'll need, but you'll still have your personality and knowledge of your pre-existence, even though there's no way in hell I'm letting you keep the information you know, well...maybe I'll just do some selective deleting, I don't want to have a ninja sniper, but it'd be cool as hell to see what someone with a little understanding of the basics can do to break the world."**

It says, distractedly, as I feel myself start to shrink,

 **"You'll be 5 when you get there, so you'll have a clean slate and plenty of time to train yourself physically. Other than that, have fun. And good luck!"**

It says cheerily now. Too cheerily.

"This is going to hurt isn't it?" I ask apprehensively,

 **"Oh Yeah!"** It chortles.

"Fuck."

A Crushing pressure, my scream swallowed up by the darkness, no sound, just vast, unintelligible amounts of pain, than nothing.

 **Somewhere In The Middle Of a Forest in Fire Country...**

The smell of dirt and wild decay filled my nostrils…and my mouth. I didn't blink, didn't open my eyes, didn't even twitch a single inch of my sore body. Wind blew through the treetops around me and brushed some of the hair on my head slightly. Apart from rustling sounds the area was silent, not a single insect or birdcall.

' _Silence? In a forest? That's…'_

A sudden blow to my stomach, knocking me against a tree and definitely bruising some of my ribs informed that my situation was NOT GOOD.

Taito had just been woken up rather abruptly when this little kid slammed into his stomach. He hadn't eaten in days, and had finished the last of his sake off the night before. He was hungry, hungover, and in pain. When he saw the kid apparently asleep next to him, he'd taken the chance to land a kick on the little brat. Taito had never been accused of having either compassion or a good temper, so his first thought was to punish whatever had hurt him, even if it was a kid.

"Dude * _cough_ * what the Hell?"

A rude little shit of a brat especially.

I groaned out, holding my stomach, sitting up and glaring at the asshole who had kicked me, trying to quickly categorize what level of shit I was in.

 _'Let's see, no hitai-ate, no vest, looks about early forties-ish, dirty, obviously drunk as shit, and holding a crude staff.'_

"What you say, fucking homeless trash?"

 _'And an Asshole. Can't forget that bit.'_

I think, getting up, feeling a coarse burlap on my skin.

' _Really, Burlap?'_

"I'm asking why the hell you'd kick a defenseless kid, Asshole."

I spit, quickly sizing him up as I see him look at me then scowl. A second later he tried to slam his staff into my head, smacking against the tree with impressive force, snapping the top of the staff off as I just barely ducked below the strike.

 _'Fuck!'_

I ran into the surrounding forest, trying to hide in the thick underbrush but he catches me by the collar of my sack-shirt, lifting me up and slamming me to the ground, bouncing me off it.

"Shut up ya fuckin trash." Taito grumbled angrily, staring at this little smart mouthed kid he found out here, asleep on the ground, and he started for him again.

I roll to the side, crying out with pain as the adrenaline only dulled pain so much, and try to get to the bushes again. Scrambling to my feet, I make a few paces, thinking enough to pick up the other end of the staff, now a stick maybe a foot long with a thick, knotty end, as I feel him catch me again.

 _'Fuck if I'm going to take another hit like that,'_

I think, swinging behind me with all the might my 5 year old self could manage, smashing into his arm and smacking his elbow, a yelp of pain ripping from his throat as his slightly numbed arm dropped me, whipping it around slightly as I just barely tumbled out of the way of his other arm snatching forward.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" I mutter, turning and trying to take stock of my situation, noticing a knife handle sticking out of his raggedy boot, and then assessing my own condition. Which was namely, shit-on-a-stick. His own was mildly better than my own and he had height, a surprising amount of strength, and the other 2/3rds of his staff, which featured a brush of nasty looking splinters, he also had a knife stashed in his boot.

' _Not the best match up, I'll admit.'_

My blood was surging through my veins as adrenaline coursed through my body making me a little jittery. I had always noticed the slight high I got from sparring and fighting back in my old life and this now confirmed what I knew. I LOVED this. I was smiling even as the pain radiated through my body, even as I knew I was probably dead, I loved it.

' _Fuck me. This'll be a problem one day.'_

For now, I formulated the basis of a plan and was about to put it into action.

"YOU LITTLE PRICK! I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOUR ASS!"

Taito yelled, lunging at the source of his pain with a heavy over-head strike with his improvised morning star. I dodge back a step and strafe around the adult, striking the side of his knee, sending him to his knees as he back hands me in retaliation. I feel my lip split open and warm liquid start running down my chin and a briny taste fills my mouth. Blood. I licked my lip and grinned even more, catching myself before I fall, I needed to slam the end of it against his face, now near my level, unbalancing him and putting him on his ass. Another yowl of pain as he reached up to cradle his bruised face, I can assume it was bleeding as well from the slight bit of crimson I saw leaking between his fingers. I throw my makeshift cudgel at his face and hands as I jump for his legs, stomach pressing against his as I was fumbling for his knife amongst his kicking legs. His rotten, unwashed smell filled my nostrils as I grunted with effort. I feel one hand grab the back of my shirt and start to pull me up off him as he leans forward. I panic and slam my tiny fist into his nuts.

' _No such thing as the bro code when you're trying to kill somebody fuck face.'_

He doubled up with a pained groan, his legs freezing as he flexed them instinctually, letting me grab his knife even as he threw me to the side. I rolled, remembering to keep the crude, rusty knife pointed parallel to my body as I rolled to keep from stabbing myself. I coughed from the impact as I heard him struggle to his feet and stumble towards me. I struggled to breath, finally getting a breath in before I was kicked onto my back to see the leg raised again to stomp down onto my chest. Eyes widening, I slashed out reflexively.

' _OH FUCK!'_

I manage to land a hit, cutting the side of the leg his weight was on, sending him tumbling onto his back. He hugged his leg to his body as I rolled up, lunging forward desperately to plunge the blade into his stomach, pulling myself forward across his body, even as an animalistic scream filled the clearing. I pulled it out and stabbed towards his throat, a panicked, angry scream tearing itself from my throat in response to his. Somewhere along the line, my panicked pleasure had turned to desperation.

"Why couldn't you have just let me go?"

I ask, feeling the sickening warmth of his blood cooling and congealing on my skin, a cool wind blowing against my wet skin, a crow the only witness to my first kill.

"Damn, only five minutes in the new life and I've already killed a man, this is not a great start…"

I mumble collapsing to the side of the body, eyes fluttering closed, a small stained figure next to the corpse of a grown man.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up, head aching, pain sending echoing pulses throughout my body, which distracts me for a while till I realize I'm now in a completely different place then I was last.

 _'I'm batting fucking 100 now aren't I?_ ' I think sarcastically, trying to keep my breathing steady and assess my situation. Peeking out from below my eyelashes, I see I'm in a wagon of some sort, going by the wood wall to my left, to my right I see bags of stuff, probably rice or grain based of their smooth sides. I almost turn my head when I catch sight of the guy sitting at my feet. Hitate, green vest, and looking towards the front of the wagon, immediately I know it's a ninja, probably from Konoha, as the green vest announces a chunin level ninja. I go to sit up and talk, using my arm to press myself up when I feel my shoulder light up in pain, a grinding sensation at its core.

"FuuuuuuUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!" I scream out, voice ripping out of my throat, collapsing back and grabbing my left shoulder, crying as I grit my teeth against the pain.

"SHIT! Damn kid, you alright?!" He asks, starting at the noise and leaning over to help, letting me get a look at his face through blurry tear filled eyes, _'scar across nose, brown hair, tan, it's Iruka. Wow. This is lucky as shit. Damn, he looks so young, the scars still pretty prominent.'_

"Fuck. That really fuckin hurt." I croak out, noticing him grin a bit at what I said still looking me over. Iruka helps me up to a sitting position, mindful about my arm. I notice he's still looking at me once the pain dies down.

"Thanks." I say shortly, keeping my guard up, trying to look around me, and sorely missing my glasses as I touch my nose in a nervous tic.

"Not a problem, but I do have some questions for you." He says kindly, but I can see he's still tense and this isn't casual, it's a cursory interrogation.

"Shoot." I say, cautiously setting my head back against the wood wall, resting it, trying to relieve the pounding headache still racing through my head.

"What's our name? Where you from?"

"Taoreta Yari, who the fuck knows, I'm a fuckin orphan. Have been for years." I answer back tiredly,

"Are you from a clan? Do you remember from what country you came from at least? How did your parents die?" All asked in the most polite voice, the last one said decidedly more delicate.

 _'Oh yeah, he's an orphan as well, parents died in the fox attack.'_ I remember, feeling bad, knowing that I'm lying to him.

 ** _"But are you? You died, your parents are in another universe. There's no family waiting for you here. You ARE an orphan."_**

 _"What the Hell, Editor? Really? Telepathy?"_

 **"Just Checking in. And reminding you of certain facts. You have no safety nets here, you're on your own."**

 _"…Yeah…Thanks, I guess…I needed that reminder."_

 **"Might want to tune back into the real world, you've got a question to answer.** "

 _"SHIT!"_

"TAORETA-SAN!" I come back to my name being screamed, starting, slamming my head into Iruka's bottom lip and jerking my injured arm, falling back against the wood and biting my lip against the pain as Iruka cursed in front of me, holding his injured lip.

"Fuck! DUDE!? WHAT THE HELL?" I yell at him once the pain lulls a bit.

"I should be asking you that! And keep your voice down, were in bandit country." Iruka reprimanded, rubbing at the cut in his lip where I smashed into it.

"What? Oh, yeah, sorry. Clan? Yeah, the Yari Clan, but the only ones left were me and my parents, and when they died, I became the last one. I don't really remember much about us. We never really did join a village, we were always moving around. And they were butchered. In front of me. That…I can't forget."

I see flashes of the faces of two unknown but familiar people, a deep voice telling me it's okay to be afraid. I tense. Red. I see so much red. It's covering the floor. It's covering me. I just see it covering everything around me. And a pure, shining green eye, a sadistic pleasure radiating from it. I feel a deep rooted terror, and revulsion crawling up my skin, an unholy, disgusting rage boiling deep inside my gut, shame and agony feeding it. I throw up, puking up bile, my body racked, clutched in the throes of my sickness, the burning acid of my bile ripping up my throat and pushing me to my knees, then onto my side, the burning pain of my shoulder adding to it, as I choke on the yellow acids still in my throat as I try to scream out.

 **"I'm so sorry. You're going through an experience that should've been blunted with the ignorance of youth and the adrenaline of fear, not a clear headed, rational adult inside an inexperienced, injured kid."**

 ** _"!"_** a white noise fills my head, overwhelming me. Eventually, I come back, shuddering, crying as I feel a warmth around my shoulders.

"It's Okay. It's Okay. You're safe." Iruka is rubbing my back gently, ignoring the obvious noxious sludge covering his back.

"No…I'm not, but I can be." I rasp, my throat raw from my episode.

"…all right." He sits back and lays me against the wall. I can feel the protectiveness radiating off of him. I manage to slip off into a light sleep. Deciding that tomorrow, i'll review my history and get anymore…episodes, out of the way. For now, I'll just rest. And it goes Black.

I wake up in the cart again, but now I feel the stiff binds of bandages around my upper body and the crusty feel of dried vomit isn't present. "Thanks Iruka, sorry about that." I think, croaking, my throat even worse now, mouth dry.

"Figured you'd wake up soon, here's some water. You'll want to sip it." He says kindly, giving me a canteen as I hissed a little with pain, finally remembering to use my other arm, seeing the gates approaching.

"Konoha?!" I gasp, recognizing the gigantic red gates instantly, only a few seconds later cursing my idiotic mistake.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Iruka says, casting a suspicious eye at me

"My dad was teaching me the symbols before he died." My stomach twinges a bit at that comment. Iruka looks away, obviously satisfied and embarrassed to bring up a bad topic.

"So…What's going to happen now?" I ask.

"You're going to come meet the Hokage." Iruka says.


	4. Chapter 4

_'Shit, I mean, I get it, it's hard work to run a village but you seriously needed to keep me waiting for an hour and half plus?'_ I think, bored, kicking my feet as I sit on a chair in the waiting room outside the Hokage's office, the secretary shooting me suspicious glances every so often, scribbling in a small note book.

 _'What the hell is taking so long?!'_

"Excuse me, Secretary-san?" I ask, trying to be polite as possible, not wanting to earn an enemy so soon.

"What kid?!" She snaps back.

 _'Damn, what's got her panties all up in a twist?'_ I think. _'Bitch.'_

"Who is the Hokage meeting with right now?"

"The Civilian council members, now shut up and sit quiet."

 _'….Bitch….'_ I grumble internally, sitting back and deciding to hum lightly while just barely tapping my fingers on the armrest of the chair, just to piss her off.

I had gotten her to the point where she had snapped a pencil and was on her way to a second when a small blonde kid with a black tee shirt and navy shorts opened the door and sat down in the seat furthest to me,

SNAP!

The sound of the pencil snapping made me look back at the Secretary, who was staring at the kid with a look of pure, unadulterated loathing. Her mouth puckered up like she was about to spit acid and her face took a red tint closest to a cherry.

 _'Oh SHIT!'_

I quickly glanced and saw the red Uzumaki symbol on his chest.

"Naruto." I breathed, quickly getting up to sit down next to the boy and stare at the women, using every cell in my body to radiate a warning, _'Fuck with the blonde, and I WILL fucking END YOU.'_ I felt her stiffen, look surprised, then snort and go back to her scribbling.

"Hey, what's your name?" I ask, turning to Naruto, a smile on my face.

He looked surprised and a little confused.

"Naruto Uzumaki." He offers, smiling slightly

"Cool. Nice to meet you, the name's Taoreta Yari. What are ya in for?"

"I'm visiting Jiji," He said, before asking "You?"

"Just got in, guess I'm going to see the Hokage. I'm from the Yari Clan by the way, so I think they're gonna try to get me to stay in Konoha." I admitted.

"Are you? And you're from a clan, that's really cool, how big is it?" He asks, looking interested

"I'm thinking about it, seems like a cool place, and were going one strong, I'm the last of them."

"Oh, sorry, but if you choose to stay, you wanna go for lunch sometime? There's an awesome ramen place in town."

"Sure why not." I say, then hearing the clock chime 7, I bite my lip and growl,

"I've Been Here SINCE 6, WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG?!"

"Quiet!" Hisses the secretary at my raised voice. I kindly flip her the bird with a deadpan expression on my face.

"Well, Hokage-jiji said I come into his office whenever, so I guess I could help you…"

He murmured hesitantly.

 _'I guess this is before he goes all delinquent on them,'_ I think before Naruto smiles a dangerous smile,

"Besides, it'll be fun to piss off those damn old stogies on the civilian council."

 _'Or maybe not…'_ I sweatdrop slightly, before grinning with him, getting up and walking over to the door, ignoring the secretary's cries of 'NO!' and 'What are you DOING?' as we each take a door and slam them open, yelling:

"CHIMICHANGAS!"

"HOKAGE-JIJI!"

I took pleasure in the fact that we scared the absolute bejeezus out of three men in angry and argumentative positions in front of a tired looking, white haired man helplessly smoking a pipe, who perked right up when he saw Naruto and then confused when he saw me with him.

"Ahhh, gentleman, we seem to have gone over our appointed time. How about you reschedule with my secretary, okay?" He said politely telling them to GTFO. They all politely, but stiffly bowed, muttering as they left, shutting the doors behind them. At the final click of the doors, the Hokage relaxes against his chair, heaving a large sigh, and taking a deep breath in,

"Thank KAMI! THEY WOULDN'T LET IT GO! NO, YOU CAN'T USE THE TRAINING FIELDS FOR STORE AREAS, WE NEED THEM FOR NINJA TRAINING! YOU KNOW, THE MEN AND WOMEN FIGHTING TO KEEP YOUR ASSES SAFE AND FAT, YOU ARROGANT FUCKS! KAMI! A MAJORITY OF THEM WERE AROUND FROM THE LAST WAR THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW MUCH THEY RELY ON THE NINJA! KAMI!"

He rants, then takes a deep breath.

"Sorry Naruto, how're you? And who's your friend?"

"This is Taoreta Yari, he had an appointment with you Jiji, and I came because the villagers torched my place again." Naruto says tiredly, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Naruto, forgive them, they just…they're just confused. They'll see straight eventually."

He seemed unsure, and Naruto looked unconvinced, but smiled at him anyway.

"Sure, Jiji."

"And Taoreta, I have the report filed by Umino-san here, it says, oh, um, Naruto, could you step outside for one moment, this is rather private information."

"Oh, okay Jiji."

"I'll be right out in a few minutes okay, so don't go anywhere, you still have to show me that cool spot you found in the forest." He said cheerfully.

He smiled softly as the doors closed behind Naruto, running through a quick number of hand seals before tapping his desk, glancing up at me with a look of warning and caution.

"What do you want with Naruto, Yari-san, and why are you here?"

He asked, voice serious and a slight aura of killing intent surrounded him.

 _'SHIT! They did NOT give this guy enough credit in the anime! He's scary as fuck!'_

"I just want to be a lonely boy's friend, and stop a lot of bad shit from happening." I say, just as serious, sweating slightly from the KI.

"Do you know what he holds? And what does that last bit mean? What do you know?"

"I know that the fox didn't die on October 10th, and that depends how much you'd be willing to trust someone's word." I say, feeling a terribly large amount of KI focused on me, causing my knees to buckle slightly.

"What does that mean? And how did you find out about him?" He asks, still deadly calm, staring at me with eyes easily capable of sentencing me to death as they were of saving me.

 _'OH, I'M SO FUCKING DEAD! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!'_ I internally screamed, externally taking a deep breath.

"The two are one in the same, are you willing to listen to the story I have to tell?" I ask, sitting in a seat in front of him, partly to bias his decision, partly because if I didn't, my knees were going to give out.

He sat and seemed to consider it for a moment, then tapped his desk once, an ANBU appearing besides him. He whispered something to him, then he disappeared again. A couple of minutes later, he reappeared with a tall blonde in tow.

 _'Inochi, okay.'_

"You will tell me from start to finish your story, and Inochi hear will tell me if you're lying or not." He says, motioning me to continue as Inochi stands behind me, smiles once, then place two fingers on either side of my temple, an odd current seemed to connect in my head, and I started to tell the story, hoping that what I knew would satisfy them both.

 ** _AN HOUR OR TWO LATER_**

"So, that happens…" He says, oddly calm as Inochi is breathing heavily, rubbing his forehead,

 _"HOLY SHIT, I CANT BELIEVE IM STILL ALIVE!"_

 ** _"If it weren't for me tuning in and filling in the gaps in your memory, you wouldn't be."_**

 _"Thanks Editor-san."_

 ** _"No problem, but it's time to tune back in."_**

"So, what do you plan to do? I obviously can't change too much or we'll lose our advantage, but I can do some smaller and subtler things. I can't believe I died. I have gotten lazy."

"I just planned to help out Sasuke not turn into a pedo-fodder, and Naruto to get a little bit more serious in his training. Maybe a few other small things. But really, I didn't have that big of a plan."

"Well, I guess that's that for now. I'll be calling you in later in the week, here, hand this to Naruto, it his new apartment, you can room with him for the meantime, there your first chunk of change in there for clothes and food, as well as some in there for Naruto and the things we found on you." He said, chucking me a medium sized scroll.

"Tell Naruto that there was an unforeseen complication. But that I'll go get him tomorrow. I assume you'll be entering the academy?"

"Yeah, I know what the basics are, go get some sleep Jiji." I say, walking out and nudging a sleep Naruto awake.

"C'mon dude, Hokage-san said we'd be rooming for the time being and that you're my tour guide."

"Humm? Wha-Awesome, cool. So, wanna go for dinner? I know Jiji's busy or head be out here too." He says, chuckling and rubbing the back of his head.

"Sure dude, you choose." I say, tossing him the scroll and following him.

 _'Well, here we go, into the rabbit hole for real this time.'_


	5. Chapter 5

**Ichiraku Ramen Stand**

"What Is THIS GORGEOUS RAMEN?!" I ask, staring at the golden broth, thick noodles floating with steamed bok-choy, thin sliced beef, fermented cabbage, sweet potato, and some type of thin white mushroom.

"HEhehehehe, I know right. I'm so glad there's another who appreciates Ichi-Jiji's masterpieces." He grins, slapping his hand on my shoulder then digging into his first bowl, while I started on my own.

"It's so Good~" I can't help but whimper, shoveling down the noodles as fast as Naruto. But looking over at his bowl, I poke his arm with my chop sticks, talking around the noodles in my mouth,

"Why -slurp- Aren't there any veggies or mushrooms in your bowl?" I ask, a little worried that even the Ichirakus were against him in this universe when Naruto answered back,

"Veggies? Blagh, gross. Why would you want something like that to taint ramen?" he answers sticking his tongue out.

"Why? Jesus there so much I find wrong with that on so many levels. As a cook, as a ninja, a human being, as your friend." I say raising my eyebrows, slurping down the noodles in my bowl and picking it up to start drinking.

"You consider me a friend…?'' Naruto asks, shocked.

"Yeah, you idiot. Now, the reason for the bok-choy is simple, it adds mass to your meal, so you feel fuller sooner, it's also got huge amounts of vitamins and minerals in it, and so you won't be such a pip squeak if you eat it. The pickled cabbage actually does the opposite function, cleansing your pallet so that the next bite tastes even better and keeps the oil and fats in the broth from coating your tongue. It also adds sulfur and nitrates to your diet, used in your body to make muscles." I lecture, then drain my bowl and sigh, feeling satiated.

"JIJI! Is this true?!" Naruto asks, shocked and amazed.

"Yes Naruto, its why I tried to get you to eat them when you first got here but you seemed afraid of them so I took them out."

"Well, I guess, I could add them back in, give me two bowls of what Tao's having." He says, somewhat hesitantly as Ichi-Jiji beams and shouts,

"Right on it!"

 _ **LATER THAT NIGHT AT AN APARTMENT IN THE REDLIGHT DISTRICT:**_

Depressed sobbing filled the neat, tiny apartment.

"WWWHwhwhwhwwyyyyyyyy!? There were so many gorgeous racks! So many miles long legs, so many beautiful faces, why!?"

I sobbed, having a tantrum on the floor with Naruto looking on completely confused about what I was talking about.

" _ **What? Did you really think your body would just magically respond TEN years early?"**_

' _But it's not fair, in this universe I'm literally within walking distance of a 5-ryo blowjob and I'm not even able to get a hard on!'_

" _ **You…agghhhhhhhhh, god, you hit puberty at around ten-eleven in this world, since you're a ninja. So it's less time than you think, also, really dude? Seriously?"**_

' _Yeah I guess you're right but still…damn.'_

I get up off the floor, sniffling and wiping my eyes muttering slightly as I collapsed on the rather plush couch.

"You take the bed Naruto, well switch off days." I grunt, staring up at the ceiling.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow."

"Night Tao, sleep well." Naruto calls from the other room as the light goes out.

"You too Naruto."

 _ **NEXT MORNING:**_

The morning sun was bright and cheerful as it slammed against my eyelids, not letting me get back to sleep.

"…fuck it, I'm up" I roll out of bed and sit up, yawning as I walked over to the kitchen, scratching my head as I opened the refrigerator to…nothing.

'Of course it's nothing retard, it's a new apartment, you still have to go shopping.' I stared, annoyed at the empty but clean kitchen as I heard snoring from the other room. Naruto. A sadistic smile crawled onto his face.

'Time to get training~' I slam open the door and tear off his blankets, hearing him mumble tiredly as I grab his ankle, dragging him out and throwing him across the room

"TIME TO GET THE FUCK UP!" I yell as he just twitches against the wall. Peeling off slowly, he hit the floor.

"What THE FUCK!" Naruto yelled, his face red more from anger then the impact.

I flick him in his forehead,

"Think of it like morning training. Let's go." I groan, picking up the scroll with the money in it and unraveling it, trying to summon up some chakra and pressing my hand against the scroll, unsealing a couple different scrolls.

'Apartment deed. Narutos stuff. Taoretas items? … Off to the side. Money. Check!' I grin pocketing that scroll and opening up the scroll labeled "Taoreta's items." A black bead bracelet, a pair of glasses to fit my head, and black handled flip open straight razor.

"Sweet." I say, wondering where they found these as I hadn't noticed them on me when I was fighting the bum. I look back at Naruto as he checked the kitchen as well, cursing as he found it empty.

"Ready to go?" I say, cracking my neck as I adjust my glasses.

"Yeah…" he said depressed, "You should go alone, they might charge you more for being with me…"

"Yeah, I figured from their reactions as we walked home last night…fuck em." I shrug going over to the door,

"Let's go."

He looked at me shocked and confused, "What?"

"Fuck em, I decide who I like or don't like. Besides, are you going to let them break you down? They refuse to see you for you, so just be yourself until they notice you. Don't let them win." I say seriously.

Naruto just looked at me, flabbergasted until he smiled wide and nodded,

"Yeah, your right. Let's do it. Fuck em." And follows me out the door. It was late morning as we walked along the road, grinning as we talked to each other, completely ignoring the people shooting us glares or frowns. And we ignored them, talking about training or food. More like I lectured about about food as he tried hard to believe that vegetables could improve the flavor of something or even be tasty on their own.

"Even Clerey?" he asks, disbelieving.

"…You got me there, that shit just tastes nasty. It's only good in soups." I say grimacing and shuddering as we walked into the ninja clothing store called Iron Silks. The owner smiled as I came in and kept smiling as Naruto came in, only nodding and asking us, "Can I help you?"

"Hi, were here to buy some clothing for the academy. Were there to become ninja." I say proudly, bowing politely.

He grins, "That's great, and the ninja wares are in the side room. Take your time." He waves us by.

I nod, pulling along a little withdrawn Naruto, nervous. There's row after row of clothing, a few bright splashes of color here and there.

"Go find something you like." I walk among the rows of clothing until I catch a look of myself in the mirror and stop, flabbergasted.

Brown shaggy hair, spiky and low. Pale skin, light skin. I was maybe 3ft tall, with a thin scraggly build. And Pale pink eyes.

"Awwwwwe Hell Yes!" I say grinning mischeviously.

" _ **Thought you'd like it."**_


End file.
